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Anymore
By Susanna

The crew of the Nomad had been sailing for 3 months straight after their last encounter with Scratch at Abbadon. That particular encounter had brought to light many feelings that the crew, namely Sinbad, Doubar and Bryn, had been keeping locked deep inside of themselves. No one could quite put a finger on what happened there that caused them to re-surface those feelings once again, but no one could deny that it was time to face them, head on.

Bryn looked over at Sinbad and Doubar, sitting on the steps of the forecastle, once again in a very deep conversation. They had been having frequent and long talks since the encounter, and Bryn could tell that they must have been emotionally draining for them both because of the strain that showed on their faces.

Bryn sadly turned away and looked out over the waters, an empty feeling settled into the pit of her stomach. She suddenly felt lonely and jealous at the same time. Both feelings came at the same time and Bryn realized it was because she was jealous over the fact that Sinbad and Doubar had each other to share their feelings with. She really didn't have anyone. And that caused the loneliness to hurt more.

She also was aware that her feelings for Sinbad had developed into a lot more than just

a good friendship. But she knew that he was hurt to much by Maeve's disappearance, and then to have it all brought up again by Scratch, almost put up a wall between Sinbad and his emotions. She knew she would not be able to tell him of her feelings, at least night at this point in time.

Sighing, she turned away and once again looked over at the brothers. They had finished their conversation and were walking towards her. Doubar just nodded at her, and lightly patted her shoulder, and headed aft to take over the tiller.

Sinbad, however, stopped in front of her. He saw the sadness in her eyes, and he wondered what could have caused it. He knew that Scratch had made some remark about her "pedigree", Firouz had told him, and he knew it was really bothering her. He also knew that since that encounter, something inside of him had changed. He realized that his feelings for Bryn were a lot stronger than he almost wanted to admit. The last time he did, with Maeve, she disappeared from his life, and he was afraid of it happening all over again. So he masked his feelings, and tried to find out what was bothering Bryn.

"Everything okay, Bryn?" Sinbad asked her.

Nodding slightly, Bryn glanced at him briefly and then looked out over the waters once again. "I'm fine, Sinbad. Just thinking."

"Care to share them?" he questioned.

"Not much to share, really," she started. "I guess I'm just thinking about what kind of family I have and what kind of person I used to be."

"Bryn. Don't let what Scratch said, upset you. It's how he gets the jump on people. By twisting the emotions he knows they are fighting the strongest with," Sinbad tells her.

"I guess your right, Sinbad," Bryn agreed. "I guess I just got a little jealous over you and Doubar."

Sinbad laughed. "What? Why would you think that way?"

"Because you two have each other and…I…" Bryn paused and looked down at the deck.

Sinbad leaned forward and cupped Bryn's chin and lifted her face to him. "Bryn..as long as you're a member of my crew, you will always have someone to talk to. If not me, then Doubar, Firouz or Rongar. You know that."

Tears formed in Bryn's eyes and she could only nod her head. Sinbad smiled at her and leaned forward and gently brushed a kiss against her lips. He smiled again at her and then walked away. Bryn watched him walk away, trembling slightly at the feelings his kiss ignited in her. She went below to her cabin, closed the door and leaned up against it. She directed her gaze up toward the ceiling, picturing Sinbad walk aft towards the tiller and taking command of his ship once again.

She moved to sit at a small table in her room. Thinking for a bit longer, she reached for a piece of parchment and a quill and began writing what she was feeling in her heart:

I can't hide the way I feel about you, anymore
I can't hold the hurt inside, keep the pain out of my eyes, anymore

My tears no longer waiting, my resistance ain't that strong
My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone
And I'm tired of pretending, I don't love you anymore.

Let me make one last appeal to show you how I feel about you
'Cause there's no one else, I swear, holds a candle anywhere next to you
My heart can't take the beating, of not having you to hold
A small voice keeps repeating deep inside my soul
It says, I can't keep pretending I don't love you anymore

I've got to take the chance or let it pass by
If I expect to get on with my life

My tears no longer waiting, my resistance ain't that strong
My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone
And I'm tired of pretending, I don't love you anymore.

When she finished, Bryn leaned back in her chair and had a small smile on her face. She felt a lot better and decided that she was no longer going to hide her feelings for Sinbad. She would accept whatever his feelings were towards her and not try to push him into anything. She knew it would only push him away. She would just be content with being there for him and at least letting him know how she felt.